澳洲华裔妈妈亲历！自从有了二宝，大宝的情绪发生了巨变...

不知道有了宝宝的妈妈们 

有没有“二胎”的打算🤔

我发现身边的很多朋友都在这个阶段

我自己或多或少也有过不同的焦虑和质疑：

 “我怎么做到爱我的第二个孩子和老大一样多啊！” 

 “一个已经忙不开了 我还能承受第二个吗？”  

但大多数人的答案最后还是：YES！ 

的确，有两个娃会更难

但是，感受维度也会由此不同

而这时，作为父母 

要做的就是让自己充分准备好 

潜移默化中引导老大准备迎接家庭的新形式 

当你开始意识到孩子给生活带来的“不同”时

相信我，一切辛苦都是值得的！

所以！

在我翻阅大量书籍

各种调查亲身体验之后

这是我总结的的10个tips 

希望能给妈妈们一点不同的ideas呀～

01

怀孕期间，在宝宝降临前

就要开始帮助老大和TA建立感情

在小腹轻轻隆起时，就让小朋友去理解和感受你体内的另一个生命。每次次我们做产检的时候，都会特意带上老大，让他可以和我一样感受宝宝的心跳 ，通过超声波感受到“生命的奇妙”。

他可以和肚子里的小宝宝说话、唱歌，也可以感受到TA踢我的动作，这样的目的是让他意识到他“未来的朋友”是个真实存在的生命。

02

给老大买本书，给他灌输

“成为一个哥哥/姐姐是一种什么样的体验”

我们家宝宝相差两岁半 ，所以我们为老大选的书是《I'm a big brother now》，作者是Caroline Jayne Church。 

这本书用一种简单积极但真实的方式，甜甜地传递出“有一个新宝宝在家“是一种什么样的体验。

在老二出生前的三个月里 ，我们都会一起阅读！

03 

时不时和老大提起

当他还是个宝宝的时候 ，他是什么样的

我觉得实事求是地告诉他，“所有的宝宝都是从脆弱又幼小的阶段开始的”是一件很重要的事。正因为如此，他们不知道怎么表达自己 ，所以才用“哭”来宣泄。

老大以前也是一样的呀！

宝宝们当然不可能一下子就变成“有趣的宝宝”，当他知道了这个事情以后，他也渐渐地明白成长都是需要时间的 ，正因为他也经历过一样的阶段 ，所以作为哥哥的他要更加理解和相互关照。

01 

提前计划和安排好

去医院待产之后老大的食宿和生活

如果你的宝宝不习惯在爷爷奶奶或者朋友家过夜，记得提前告知他们，让他们在这期间有所准备。

不过有的孩子适应性很强，你会发现是你多虑（比如我家William，我的担心完全是自作多情..）

02 

带老大为老二买一个礼物～

出生前我和老大一起为老二买了一个礼物，同时我也为老二Ethan给哥哥William准备了一个礼物！

这些是用来宝宝出生后他们交换礼物用的，所有的宝宝都喜欢玩具，所以买一个不过时又实用的小玩具 ，这样日后他们一看到这个玩具，就会想到这个“特殊、有爱的一天”💗~

我们当时准备的是木质的小汽车和小飞机，他们俩爱不释手！

03 

保证生产后老大是第一个见到我的人

宝宝刚刚降临后 ，我就叫丈夫把宝宝先带出房间 ，这样我可以和William进行独处。

这样一来,老大不会产生“主权意识”，也不会觉得爸爸妈妈有了第二个宝宝就不爱他了😢

然后我丈夫把宝宝带进来，和William介绍他的“新朋友”，也是我们三口之家的一位“新成员”。

我个人很得意这个小小的细节处理idea ，因为这样William就有和爸爸妈妈一阿样的对新宝宝的参与感 ~

01 

让老大全权参与到照顾新宝宝的过程中

完全尊重老大的意愿，如果他想要给予帮助或提出建议的话 ，就像书里提到的一样 ：

“帮弟弟准备一个干净的尿布”、“在弟弟睡觉的时候轻声玩玩具”、“帮助爸爸妈妈给弟弟洗澡”等

这些都能增加老大的参与感，也能更好地为之后的相处打下基础。

02 

确保对待老大和老二的交流方式都是一样的

从小建立“平等意识”是有必要的。

例如，如果老二在baby gym的时候，我就会说，“Ethan，妈妈在给哥哥读书，你可以安静地自己玩吗？”

这样下次当Ethan在哭的时候、或者我在换尿布、又或者安抚Ethan的时候，我就能理直气壮地要求Willian也要安静地自己玩~

03 

确保和老大的高质量时间

显而易见，当有了新宝宝后，你会花大量时间进行照顾、安抚、拥抱、呵护。

所以这个时候，让老大觉得“我没有被剩下”是很重要的！

让丈夫和其他家庭成员多陪伴新生儿，这样一来他们也可以和宝宝建立更多联系，而你也有时间单独地和老大一起享受相处的时光。

时间不一定非得要多长，即便只有五到十分钟都可以是高质量的，但要确保频率不能少！

03 

我们改装了孩子们的玩耍区域

研究显示，兄弟姐妹间的情感联系主要是在早期建立的 ，然后这会一直影响到之后的人生～ 

所以在我看来，最好的方法之一，就是让哥哥弟弟俩尽可能多在一块儿玩耍，教导他们有顺序地玩玩具 ，一起享受玩耍的快乐。

于是，我们改装了孩子们的玩耍区域。

我们家所有的玩具都是很共享的，没有谁的专属玩具 ，他们必须要自己协商“谁先玩、怎么玩”。

作为父母 ，我也只是一个促进的角色，当他们一块儿玩的时候，看到他们关心在乎对方的行为简直美妙！

两种不同的想象力碰撞在一起，让玩耍的过程变得更有创造力啦～ 

声明：本文有Jennifer英文原创编辑，辣妈帮翻译、后期，以下是英文原文：

Are you thinking about having a second child or have recently had a second baby? I’ve noticed many of my friends who are in this current phase of their lives.  Many of them, like I had myself, go through some level of doubt and anxiety, questioning “how can I possibility love my second child as much as my first?”, or “will I be able to handle having two children”? 

The answer is yes! Life with two kids is not necessarily harder, but it is different. As parents, all we can do is best prepare ourselves and our firstborn to the adjustment of being in a new family dynamic. All the hard work will pay off, when you start observing the love and bond your children share.

So, I read a tonne of books and did my research and here are some of my top 10 tips for successfully preparing my child to our second baby:

During the pregnancy, before baby arrives 

Help your child become friends with the new baby even before birth. When your baby bump is starting to show, involve your child so that they understand that their baby sibling is growing inside you. We took our child to our prenatal appointments, so that he could hear the baby’s heartbeat and the ultrasound scans to see the baby and it was super special. We also let him touch the bum, talk and sing to the baby and feel the baby kick. All this helps my child see that the new sibling is a real person and hopefully a future friend. 

Buy your first child a book that introduces them to the concept of becoming a big brother or big sister. My children have roughly a 2.5 years age gap. The book we chose for my son, William was “I’m a big brother now” by Caroline Jayne Church. It provides a sweet, simple, positive but realistic messaging about what it’s like to have a new baby in the home! We read this regularly about 3 months before my second baby (Ethan) came along. 

We often reflected and spoke to William about when he was a baby and looked over old photos together. I think it’s important to set realistic expectations that all babies start off very small and very fragile. They don’t know how to talk and therefore cry a lot. This is all normal an my eldest was the same. Similarly, babies are not going to be “fun” straight away. So, I tend to not build too much expectation and let the children take the time to bond and fall in love with each other in their own time. 

Close to and around the baby’s due date

Plan and organise for your family and relatives to look after your child when you go into labour/hospital. If your child is not used to staying overnight with grandparents/friends, make sure they understand what will happen. 

We took William shopping to buy his baby brother a present. At the same time, “new baby” also bought William a present (we of course bought this on behalf of the baby), which they then could exchange after they met at the hospital. All kids love toys, so look to buy a small timeless toy that they can remember the occasion by. We got out kids these lovely wooden car and plane, which they love!

At the hospital after my baby was born. I made sure my son visited me in the hospital first on my own. So, I asked my husband to take the new baby out of the room, have a moment with William, then my husband brought the baby in, to introduce the new baby as the new addition to our family of three. I liked this idea, because it gives my child a sense that he is part of the excitement of seeing his baby brother for the first time with mummy and daddy.  

After the baby arrives

Allowing William to help as much as he can or wants, just like the examples from our book (at point 1) mentioned above “getting a clean nappy for baby, quietly playing with toys when the baby is asleep and helping bathe baby”.

Making sure we communicate equally to both kids around our expectations. For example, if Ethan was playing in the baby gym, I would say, “Ethan, mummy is reading William a book, can you please play quietly by yourself.” So, the next time when Baby was crying, I would ask William to play quietly himself when I was attending to a crying baby or changing nappies etc. In a sense this was fair, because I had the same expectations for the baby as I did for my first child. 

Be sure to spend quality one on one time with your first child. Of course, with a new baby, you will spend a lot of time nursing, cuddling, rocking your second baby. But it is important not to let your first child feel too left out. So just ask your husband or family to take your baby for some time (to allow them to bond with the new baby too), so you can also have some time alone with your first child to do an activity they enjoy. It doesn’t have to be long, even 5-10minutes at a time will do, but make time for it often.

Lastly, we switched to natural, open ended toys and designed our shared playroom. Studies show that the quality of sibling relationships is established at a young age and tends to stay that way later in life. One of the best ways, in my opinion, is to get siblings to enjoy playing together, teaching them to initiate play on terms they both enjoy. All our toys are common, there is no ownership, they must negotiate to take turns, resolve conflict and as parents, I’m just a facilitator. When they play together, its amazing to watch them being attentive to each other’s actions and somehow two separate imaginations come together in a common vision during their imaginative and creative play. 

希望此文可以给各位妈妈们

或多或少的帮助

也希望妈妈们分享出你们“养二胎“的更多妙招 

在育儿的漫长道路上 

我们一起分享共同进步呀～